I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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