im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
