He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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