I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
