I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i don't like sucking hair
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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