Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
