69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
