Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
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