guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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