I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
