His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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