so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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