Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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