Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
