shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
