North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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