K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
