:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
