Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
