I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
