its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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