i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
