You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Do you still have your period?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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