with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
