allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
