My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
