I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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