Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
