he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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