her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Shame - the story of my life.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
