Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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