Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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