My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Come share oat with me in your robe
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
