Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
high people should be assigned attendants
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
