I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
