I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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