sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
