There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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