a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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