I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
