since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
