Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
