I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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