just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
