dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
