Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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