So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
