i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
