those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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