Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
