I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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