So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
