The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
