we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
