So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
