Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
