I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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