So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
we should paint friendship bongs
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
