If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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