Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
