Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
