Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
