And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
