under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
