you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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