My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
