if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
