I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
