ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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