You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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