I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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