you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have feelings that need drinking.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
