"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
