This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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