So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
