I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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