Dual....:-)
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
