"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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