me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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