i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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