Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
