do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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